REVIEW: Uncanny X-Men #9

Written By: Brian Michael Bendis

Art By: Chris Bachalo  / Inked By: Tim Townsend, Mark Irwin, Al Vey & Jamie Mendoza / Colors By: Chris Bachalo / Letters By: VC’s Joe Caramanga

Price: $3.99

One mutant learns that once you leave the X-Men, the real world can be a punishing place. Another new mutant learns just what it means to be an X-Man. And Magneto isn’t the only mutant working with SHIELD. What mystery mutant has taken up with the espionage agency keeping tabs on the X-Men?

Dazzler, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., has just tracked down Fabio “Goldballs” Medina and is attempting to peacefully extract him until his father pulls a gun on her and forces her to do her disco-ball thing. Meanwhile, at the New Xavier School for the Gifted (which is apparently somewhere snowy), Racer X and his young band of revolutionaries are training for the Mutant Winter Olympics.

“Use the force, David.”

Cut to S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ, where a detained Fabio is being held and interrogated by Dazzler while Maria Hill and other agents watch. Cyclops and his team arrive in time to rescue him, banishing Hill to the Phantom Zone (not really, but can you imagine?), freezing the other agents in a time bubble while Scott and Alison catch up.

“It’s one big happy reunion!”

She presses him for info on his agenda, he asks her to come with them, she tells him she’s not going with him, yadda yadda yadda. Later, Agent Coulson comforts Alison. But it’s a trap! It’s actually Mystique in disguise, who plans to replace Alison for whatever reason.

Okay, I’m no Dazzler expert (most of my knowledge of the character is either from X-Treme X-Men or wikipedia) but was she always like this? I mean, I’m still clueless as to what her motivation for joining S.H.I.E.L.D. is. I feel like it should be to try and “help”  mutants from the other side of the law, but it’s never explicitly stated. It’s like someone up top said “Uhhhh, pick a fairly obscure mutant female associated with the X-Men who’s been out of the world for a bit.” and Bendis just inserted her into the book. Again, I’ll admit I’m not completely knowledgeable when it comes to the character, but she just seems wooden in this issue.

And is it just me or does anyone else find it utterly ridiculous how easily Mystique sneaks into S.H.I.E.L.D. these days? I mean, you’d think they’d be on high alert or something after she infiltrated their organization multiple times and stole millions of dollars.

Mischaracterization aside, it’s a decent issue. It’s cool to see the team finally train some more, even if it’s as brief as Hal’s training sequence in Green Lantern. Just about everyone gets some panel time (Aside from Ben. At least I think that’s his name. Hm. That probably says something, doesn’t it?). Lots of good banter. Curious to see just what Mystique is up to (again) and if Dazzler makes it out of this alive.

Who am I kidding? Of course she will. And slide right back into comic book limbo.

Score: 8.0

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